Thursday, December 2

bite me.

i had a birthday lunch with a couple of girls yesterday and i do apologise to the birthday girl for spending half of lunch cranky. it is just that so many things felt and were wrong as there were other issues that i only have the guts to blog about.

when a gathering decides to meet up for a meal, this is traditionally equivelent to bonding and indulging over food. when someone decides not to particpate in the act of eating, it is bluntly put- rude. i do not know if i forgive your ignorance when i told about my younger sister as it was quite a slap in the face. the comments that you made about the food was uncalled for and you are the first person i have seen who has openly challenged the choice of a birthday girl, in her face. & nonetheless, i am ashamed for not being able to summon enough courage to say this to you.

by nightfall, i ought to thank someone esle for being one of the most REAL persons i have had the honour of knowing.
meet my friend, zhu.

i have known her since S-I-X as my group leader in prep-year and yes, she does have quite an embarressing track record of how tyrannical and domineering a six year old girl could get. throughout the years, all those chiky-chink smses do not even exist in our vocabulary and we hardly meet up unless it is
1. after exams
2. when aizhen returns to singapore
3. i am in dire need of a shot of nostalgia and "fond memories"
(as aizhen aptly puts)
yet i can truly say 'cross my heart and hope to die'-wise that i totally dig this girl. why? she is honest. and that is pretty much it.

get this, she had a heavy dinner (and believe me, it's not some psuedo i-had-three-strands-of-pasta-and-i'm-crying-foul) but when we met up, she actually went to kfc to grab some fries. i was surprised initally as it was a remarkably stark contrast to too-many $#@^ that i have been associating with during the past few weeks.

everything we talked about seemed to just fall into place. between cheese fries and a blueberry muffin, i could talk to her about things i dare not even whisper in my wildest dreams, let alone say aloud. and it was as though all the insecurities and doubts that i had been feeling were erased with a stroke of her assurance.

compared to what i have seen, almost every gathering/outing that i have participated in seemed so superficial, laden with excuses and vanity.
to be brutally honest, i am indeed sick and tired of hearing
1. i have eaten at home and hence i am not eating.
2. i am famished (and proceeds to nibble on a steamed fish)
3. i need to go on a diet -when u are a f-king US size2-

i am not saying you HAVE TO EAT to be friends with me but rather, i think i ought to rethink of how i should look at myself, body-wise as i keep tripping over the argument of whether 'thinner=better' and i can only go about doing so by re-considering the company i mix with. i do not know how much sense or logic this sums up to be.

but all i am saying is- just an hour and half of zhu's company made me realise that i do deserve better indeed.

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