Botak Jones

Within minutes of entering Ang Mo Kio Ave 5, I knew unofficially out of Brag-Free Zone.

Bernie, the follically-challenged owner of Botak Jones, is one person who knows his goods and isn't afraid to indulge in "bragologue" (Marci Aboher, New York Times). Case in point: a 10 page documentation of sordid descriptions and self-praise, thinly disgusted as a menu.



Though we were told there would be a waiting time of 20-30 minutes, the stuffed jalapenos arrived within 10 minutes. Jalapenos stuffed with Danish mozzarella cheese, coated in Japanese bread crumbs and deep-fried. Best enjoyed when hot for that Mister Fantastic effect. I sustained slight numbness at the tip of my tongue, this is definitely for those who like it haute hot.



Decent lamb chops are a thing of rarity these days, thus I was particularly taken with Botak Jones's rosemary lamb chop, which bore an unmissable smoky char-grilled aroma.



The burger nut in me had to try their Botak Burger. The hand formed beef patty was all 150g meat with perhaps 3% body fat. While it was vastly different from drug-test-positive patties, I found it a little too dry. The sesame buns and cheese less also than exciting. Having said that, the beauty of this Botak Burger is freedom of choice- you could do simple with a single patty or spruce it up cheese, sauteed onions or score a death wish with an extra patty or two.



Unless you were the feature creature in Jurassic Park or Jaws, chances are this burger is too huge to fit into your mouth. Then again, in this nondescript coffee shop where style counts for close to nothing, you could always try -gulp- to achieve the unglamorous.



Dad swears by their Australian Ribeye Steak and this hunky-dory slab deserves a blue ribbon for living up to expectations. Armed with thumb-to-middle-finger tenderness, this was one of those dishes where you whisper a silent prayer, mouth "thank you god" before tucking in. I didn't even bother with the undistinguished brown black pepper.



The coleslaw and greens were plebeian but the spicy fries landed us in a state of starch-induced delirium. By the end of dinner, we were half-wishing there was a forklift outside waiting for us.

The folks at Botak Jones jolted my system. From the cashier to the guy who laid our table, thee seemed genuinely passionate about their jobs. I'm sorry I'm just not use to seeing smiling service staff at a coffee shop. Let me lie down for a few moments and I'll be fine.