shoo-bee-doo-whap.

what a wonderful way to begin my day with.
an umbrella and banana yoshimoto's 'goodbye tsugumi' in tow, i took a slow walk to dino cafe for breakfast. after placing my orders for a plate of fried bee-hoon and raisin scone (you can only get such diversity in singapore!), i nestled down in my window-seat and 'got to know my companion'.

arh, imagine half reading and half picking at a freshly baked scone.. followed a wonderful dish of home-made fried bee-hoon.. the serenity of the morning, enhanced by a light drizzle and sweet aroma of pastries. arh, what more could i ask for..

just call me dessert.

last night's 'all in a day's work' rendered my feet useless (hey u try walking in heels for much of the day) and my body overwhemlemed with fatigue. but it was a good day for biusiness- at first it was so quiet, i was beginning to begrudge the rain for keeping people in their homes and out of gelato cafes but suddenly close to 8.30pm, hordes.. make that hordes hordes HORDES of people arrived and the cafe was so jam-packed i did not even have enough time to clear the tables for the next round of people or communicate with those who were ordering due to the level of chatter. well, not to mention, i had my first eye-candy-customer.. who gave me a wink when i told him he might have to wait for his order- slimy b*****d who's girlfriend was holding the table for him. haha.

the skies were grey and the air was somewhat chilly from last night's pour, with an occasional nod of a cool breeze- my ideal weather condition for strolling.

and that was what i did.

movie critic.

Phantom of the the opera was probably one of the movies that i have caught this year. well, i have not caught the musical before therefore, one might think i have been shortchanged by the 'wow' factor of a real-life stage production. but i enjoyed myself nonetheless and particularly during the 'masquerade' scene.

gothic but glamorous. think men in classic black and white, with their ladies in frills that thrilled and hairdos that would have earned marie antoinette's seal of approval. singing and dancing to a much-understated chereography that included quicksteps in stacatto-mode and the use of a simple prop- of one golden fan. yet there was not hardly an overload of frivolous element, thanks to the thoughtfully-crafted masks the dancers donned.

beautiful, if i may say so myself.

rollin' good times.

sometimes you really just have to drag your sorry ass off the couch, weave in and out of crowds and embrace humanity (even at its ugliest at the mango sale) for the sensations lone-sville cannot provide.

arh, i will always appreciate the inevitable joy that sharing sweet popcorn brings.

just ring my bell.

there is much to be said
but i just cannot get the words out
for fear of sounding too harsh
yet again.

it seems that though i'm getting older, i am none the wiser at dealing with my emotions.

fi. fin. finito.

have you ever ended a friendship?

like in a formal letter or phonecall addressed to the unfortunately undistinguished addressee, explaining your heartfelt disappointment and sore expectations about the friendship. telling him or her that due to unforseen circumstances, the relationship was not working out as it brought you more distress than comfort, more belligerance than camaraderie.

i was just asking.

MELLIE KLIS-MAS, everyone~

my christmas carol.

oh do not worry, the ghosts of my past have not returned to haunt me (or leave behind any 4D-numbers damnit!) but today (including christmas eve) has more or less revealed something unthought-of to me previously.

"no man is an island" and this was what a couple of buddies said to me when i expressed my need to indulge in lonesville. honestly, i cannot give you a definitive answer as to whether i am hoping to denounce the quote but the timely arrival of christmas did get me thinking.. yes in a charles dickens's christmas carol rum-a-dum-dum sort of way.

-that whilst i thrive in self-company. i should never take the affection and concern shown by others for me for granted. never. words of well-intentioned advice and jests should be carelessly treated or harshly crumpled and stomped on for that matter. sure, i might not like much of what i hear and read, but surely that does not give me any right to denounce someone's intelligence right?

sigh, may this christmas be a humbling one.

L is for-

mark this day down as it official confirms my status as a loner
23 DECEMBER 2004: yixiao bought a ticket for ocean's twelve and *dramatic pause* caught the movie a-l-o-n-e.

ok, no cymbals clashing or trumpets blaring away but i did enjoy myself. but i realised the trouble with such independence is the lack for care for others.

here with me.

'the charl has landed'
F-I-N-A--L-L-Y! yes even though she did wake me up from deep slumber, it felt great to hear her familiar four-month-absent voice yet again.. really~ but poor girl, had to cancel dinner today due to a candid bout of jet-lagged (or would that be sheer indigestion?) anyway get well soon lovelie, you owe me a lunch date.. oh, dinner too! and mambo.. and high tea.. not forgetting supper. *grin

nothing's new. i am still going to spend christmas eve in the name of formality with family friends but at least christmas itself is my cosuin's place i.e comfort at its zenith.

i am all about familarity, i could not possibly give up amara hotel's ban mian for a never-tasted-before rack of lamb from lawry's. old friends make better friends and the cousins you grew up with just seem to want to continue the journey with you. i still have yet to catch up eith most of them but really, when you are bonded in spirit, it only seems superficial to send a teddy-nightmarish-bear MMS whenever guilt settles in.

merry christmas- before i get all teary.

pearl of the orient.


supper!


roadside hawkers





landmark shopping centre.


night view

life is beautiful. if only.

there is only so much to blog about when you spend your weekend taking turns to lie on the bed, couch or or stay glued to the computer. right now, i am just waiting for charl to return so that i can re-live some of my good ol' days (as a certain miss lee w****n has chosen to numb her ass off on a 12hr ride to vermont instead of returning back to her sunny red dot on the map).

i am a born loner hmm, did not take a brain scentist to figure that one out but i do need company as well and i crave particularly for those i cannot obtain which is why i risk sounding like a sob-missus when it comes to charl and wai. sigh, i actually miss my younger sister too. think she might just get a shock reading this but i was just thinking of walking to dino for brunch and i realised apart from her, i just did not want to do it with anybody esle. i get so bored just thinking of who to ask out especially when it comes to those i have been in contact with. no offense but when i have to think realistically, i realised i only want to just meet up with my st nicks friends.

i was just thinking about who to call the other day and i practially veto-ed against more than half of my circle of 'friends.' it was either to tiring, too bothersome or too plain f-king nauseating to hang out with some people. i no longer reply smses that spell r-e-d-u--n-d-a-n-c-y and i choose not to hang out with too many people as i find it too much of a chore to act like a duracell bunny who has just had her batteries re-charged.

if you really wish to get onto my nerves this festive season you could
-ask about my hongkong trip.
why? 'cause honey, it is SOO lasssst week and i have AB-so-LUTE-ly no desire to sound like a broken tape recorder.
or
-act like me- yes, pout whine sulk when things do not go your way. you are a guy damnit! act like one or %^%^ off. disclaimer: this only applies to guys for they seem to possess a magical inclination to peeve the hell outta me by acting all girly.

well believe me, i am just as shocked as you are by the dark change in my behaviour. but i can't feel otherwise. am i looking forward to term2 of school? sure but this is only because i embrace the idea of having something to do, something to occupy my mind and absorb my energy.
wow, this is quite a long entry afterall.

i just caught the dvd 'the last emperor' and i would highly recommand it to someone who wishes to have a good idea of what chains of restrictive grandeur imperial life guranteed without all that huan-zhu-gege shrilly fluff.

go watch it.

guess who's back.. back again.

Hong Kong

still in hk.

there really is nothing much to report except that my diet is not going as planned. the roadside hawker stalls here are amazing! they have scarily huge takopachi balls- served five in a box, mind you and there is my current favourite- peanut butter waffle with butter and mayo! and jimmy's going crazy over his meatballs and fishballs on skewers bathed in curry hot oil. marvellous with a capital 'M'. it seems like every corner turned had a foodie-source of facsination waiting for us to behold.

char siew here is 50%-fat, 50%-meat but 100%-DELICIOUS.. did you know the wantons here are filled with solely prawns? OMG, the po luo bao here is to-die-for. i have no idea what goes into the sugary-buttery-milky (ok, maybe i do... ) pastry but it causes me to crave for more more more.. it is weird that in the midst of chubbing-up, i have had steam boat, portuguese, enough noodles to last the entire trip, a chicken supreme burger plus fried-on-the-spot-fries (for dinner today), i have not experienced a real dim-sum meal yet *ooo, the shock the horror!* but i gather from very reliable sources i.e. jimmy and fang, that the abomination is about to end.. tomorrow! haha..

p.s CHARLENE KHOO! bring me a hot hot abercrombie hunk for xmas please!
YANG! foon foon is still behaving as if he's the spawn of the horn-ed himself.

ok, miss you tons guys..(and i really do mean it)
will update soon!

my dance in the dark.

hmm, i am finally talking to him. on msn actually. after two weeks of no-call, i finally receive a message from him.

but guess what. i am hellishly disapoited by the lack of wit.. ettiqutte.. sense of humour.. suaveness.. wit.. ettiqutte.. sense of humour.. suaveness.. wit.. ettiqutte.. sense of humour.. suaveness...

tease.

i must pack for hongkong.
i must remember not to overload on 'yum char'
i must to resist retail temptations in any form of silk, cotten and lace.

i must pack for hongkong.
i must remember not to overload on 'yum char'
i must resist retail temptations in any form of silk, cotten and lace.

i must pack for hongkong.
i must remember not to overload on 'yum char'
i must to resist retail temptations in any form of silk, cotten and lace.

now did i really need to keep repeating myself? nah. just trying to tantalize bouts of jealousy from you. is it working? well, judging by the pierced voodoo doll wretched tightly within your grasp.. i jolly well guess so.

estivo.

i found a J-O-B! *trumpets blare* *cymbals clash*
"serious?" well kind of as tomorrow's the first training.. right, like HOW brain-science-DIFFICULT can gelato scoping get? haha. ooo, they have crepes too by the way.

"what? where?" the outlet which is situated at greenwood ave is really really cool.. its quiet i.e no pesky smelly school kids to serve; simple in a zen way i.e not much housekeeping to do. yeah yeah.. getting to the crux of this post.. THE GELATO FLAVOURS! apart from your conventional chocolate and mango.. they have rather drool-inducing bites such as chocolate overload, strawberry ribbon, choco horlicks overdose and 40-odd other flavours to boot. and i promise to get to bottom of our generation's mind-boogling question of the year- "is gelato really low-fat?"

"yea but when school starts...?" ah-hah, got it all figured out- well guess who has a 3-day week? haha -as if you do not already have a reason to hate me- & since the area is relatively uncrowded.. apart from a few caretakers minding their expat toddlers.. i figured, HEY! i could even have project work meetings there! *comteplative look

but at $5 an hour i do feel kinda ripped-off after all i DO HAVE RETAIL EXPERIENCE.. arh, bags gelato.. they are all the same.

wish me luck!

holiday blues.

this sucks. hate me but i find long holidays such a bore. bring back school term where i feel the need to throw myself into books (written by people who were as bored as i am right now) and huh?-am-i-suppose-to-be-learning-anything-at-all seminars.

there is only so much shopping to be done, so many nights of clubbing to waste away, so many crap-wrapped box office smashes to catch 'tis holiday season'.

i really wish i were abroad, trapped on some foreign lands blogging about snowfalls (see under 'wai')and recipe books calling out to me (see under 'yang'). i hate staying at home with creatures that ought to be locked up and muzzled but oging out would mean ka-ching! kaching!.

i am wastingggg awayyyyyyy......

gimme gimme GIMME.

MY tutor friend.

last night, i caught 'my tutor friend' on cable. now i have never been a fan of anything korean (especially their off-landish food and sappy soapy dramas) but i watched my tutor friend, for nostalgic reasons- having caught the first time in charl's attic. wai, remember how mesmerized we were by mr dimplfied ji-hoon.. ? how we oohed and aahed over his delectable erm physique? how he reduced three of us to quivering convent girls yet again with a playful glare?

-dreamy smile

do you believe.

in no, NOT santa.. but PMS. having lived past a sensible age of 19, i was never fully aware of its reality and existence until i- or rather, my friends became victims of my perenial wrath.

i spent a good part of last night, awake lying in bed, thinking and picking out all the rotten injustical events i was made to endure. extremely nitty-gritty things like the issue of punctuality, people's strange quirks and WHY THEY CAN'T FRIGGING ADHERE TO MY WAYS.. things that i normally would have bothered much with but caused me such frustration and agnst at 3am in the morning.

which got me thinking- if much of the world was peeving the helloutta me.. shouldn't the problem lie with me instead?

*bulb of enlightment TING!*

bug blues.

oh mother of all unlucky natures, WHY ME?

urgh, i think i am coming down with something again..based on 19 years of experience, you can just feel it when your throat feels perpetually clogged with nothing-actually and i know there is bound to be something when i feel the constatnt need to de-block thy ear.

sick on a holiday? what can be more disturbing..

a first.

for the tan/ chen family! we are going to catch the incredibles together at junction in about an hour's time. arh, the look on my dad's face, when told he was going to catch a CARTOON!, was definately priceless.

bite me.

i had a birthday lunch with a couple of girls yesterday and i do apologise to the birthday girl for spending half of lunch cranky. it is just that so many things felt and were wrong as there were other issues that i only have the guts to blog about.

when a gathering decides to meet up for a meal, this is traditionally equivelent to bonding and indulging over food. when someone decides not to particpate in the act of eating, it is bluntly put- rude. i do not know if i forgive your ignorance when i told about my younger sister as it was quite a slap in the face. the comments that you made about the food was uncalled for and you are the first person i have seen who has openly challenged the choice of a birthday girl, in her face. & nonetheless, i am ashamed for not being able to summon enough courage to say this to you.

by nightfall, i ought to thank someone esle for being one of the most REAL persons i have had the honour of knowing.
meet my friend, zhu.

i have known her since S-I-X as my group leader in prep-year and yes, she does have quite an embarressing track record of how tyrannical and domineering a six year old girl could get. throughout the years, all those chiky-chink smses do not even exist in our vocabulary and we hardly meet up unless it is
1. after exams
2. when aizhen returns to singapore
3. i am in dire need of a shot of nostalgia and "fond memories"
(as aizhen aptly puts)
yet i can truly say 'cross my heart and hope to die'-wise that i totally dig this girl. why? she is honest. and that is pretty much it.

get this, she had a heavy dinner (and believe me, it's not some psuedo i-had-three-strands-of-pasta-and-i'm-crying-foul) but when we met up, she actually went to kfc to grab some fries. i was surprised initally as it was a remarkably stark contrast to too-many $#@^ that i have been associating with during the past few weeks.

everything we talked about seemed to just fall into place. between cheese fries and a blueberry muffin, i could talk to her about things i dare not even whisper in my wildest dreams, let alone say aloud. and it was as though all the insecurities and doubts that i had been feeling were erased with a stroke of her assurance.

compared to what i have seen, almost every gathering/outing that i have participated in seemed so superficial, laden with excuses and vanity.
to be brutally honest, i am indeed sick and tired of hearing
1. i have eaten at home and hence i am not eating.
2. i am famished (and proceeds to nibble on a steamed fish)
3. i need to go on a diet -when u are a f-king US size2-

i am not saying you HAVE TO EAT to be friends with me but rather, i think i ought to rethink of how i should look at myself, body-wise as i keep tripping over the argument of whether 'thinner=better' and i can only go about doing so by re-considering the company i mix with. i do not know how much sense or logic this sums up to be.

but all i am saying is- just an hour and half of zhu's company made me realise that i do deserve better indeed.

what a night.

last night at phuture? one word: urgh. think peak hour at a tokyo subway station- all that pushing and shoving. dirty looks on the squshed & seriously 'kiam pah' ones on the pushies (don't mind the language). you look over on the side of the bartenders and bet they were scoffing at how silly we all look and how lucky they were to have one by one meters all to themselves.

we could barely hang around for a couple of hours when a group of us decided to call it quits *with the exception of miss ah-hem olisa who tripped in front of t*m m****r * and we walked allllll the way to mohmmad sultan's to eat the oiliest bowl of bak chor mee i have ever seen. it is either i was speaking greek because i distinctively said "Uncle, mee kia yi pan, bu yao fang you" (which loosely translates to "Uncle, it's 3am in the morning so please reduce my noodle portion or i will suffer from a major guilt trip!") or uncle was just plain l-a-z-y as when my bowl of noodles came, it was literally bathed in lard and frankly, i think i could see my own reflection in the pool of oil. ok SLIGHT exaggeration there.

but i do not know what was worse- the uncle getting my order completely WHATS-IT? or me demolishing the entire bowl. -frumps.

SPRING IN NEW YORK CITY...

here i come.